So I wanted to tell you a little about my experience in Silent weekend. Because you seemed almost as freaked out as I did about it ;)
When I had my little talk with Sister Isabelle, I told her I was a bit scared of going into silence. Mostly because I tend to talk alot (So much, I even learned signlanguage. Haha). But also because I felt I had so much things going on in my life and I was a bit scared to deal with them. But then she smiled and said; "Have you ever considered you might NEED to be silent for a change"? And well, that´s true, so she kind of decided it for me.
We moved up to this cool house in the village next to Taizé, wich name I can´t remember. I don´t know if you´ve seen the house and the garden? The garden was absolutely Amazing and the view was something you could die for. (France is Beautiful). We was given small assignments. Like washing dishes after dinner, cleaning the floor and so on.
the Days started with morningprayer in Taizé. After that we went back to Cerisiers to eat breakfast, and after breakfast we had biblestudy with Isabelle. Wich was a little funny for me, since, of course, I was the only one who neither brought my bible, nor pen and paper. But however, she gave us some texts from the Bible wich she wanted us to Think about during the day and evening. And she told us to do a prayer twice a day, and then take some notes about the prayers and how we felt. So that we in the future could look back and sort of find Comfort in what we had wrote.
(doing prayers is hard enough for me. Because I feel as religious as an Electric toothbrush. I havent decided if I can Believe or not yet)
After that, it was time for middayprayer in Taizé, and then we Went back again for lunch. That´s were my assignment were. Washing dishes after lunch with two other girls. And such a small thing as washing dishes with two other girls was a bit of a hard task, since we could not speak to eachother. That made me realise how hard it is to communicate with others without using the privilege of speach! :)
Then we embraced the silence.. From 13.45 until 19.00 - we had no tasks.. nothing but the Beauty of silence. And here´s the tricky part. If you´re anything like me - you find it kind of hard at first. Because I don´t Think any of us are really comfortable with just being quiet.
I immediatly started singing in my head. Mostly it was the Taizé-songs that chanted in my Brains, and it was so fucking hard to get rid of the songs!! I really tried to sit down and you know... just think. But it was impossible for me. I just Heard these songs over and over. So I tried to read for a while. And I took a long walk through Taizé (That´s when I met you at Oyak). I just sat down and watched the people passing by (secretly judging them by looks, talks, behaviour and stuff) :)
And later I returned to Cerisiers, and sat on the grass just enjoying the Amazing view and the wonderful weather.
19.00 - Supper. I have to say I really liked the meals in silence. Because it´s kind of stressful in Taizé with like 3000 people in the foodline ;) And we were only 25 in Cerisiers.
Woke up, got ready for morningprayer. This day I was more satisfied with the silence and I got time to Think. After biblestudy, I rushed down to Taizé to pack up our belongings, because we were going home at night. And I wondered how I would get my idiot sister to take down the tent correctly without speaking to her. But you know what? NO PROBLEMS! We do so much unnecessary talking, it´s ridicoulus! It was actually quite nice to do something without yelling and screaming for a change, wich i´m pretty sure I would do on a normal day ;)
After that, I continued my thinking. I tried to deal with the scary questions I was there for. And you know what? it was fine! It wasn´t scary at all! I bet the silence contributed to the feeling of Comfort. Because at home I get stressed as hell for no reason at all.
So to sum it up. I Think two Days of silence doesn´t have to be a big deal unless you make it a big deal. Actually you can just relax and enjoy Life. Enjoy nature and sounds you might not hear everyday in our stressful Lifes. (I swear, I never thought a cow mooing could sound so Beautiful! Haha) I wouldn´t say I got an "epiphany" or something. But I Think I know why I talk alot. I´m scared of the silence because I know when it´s quiet, I have to face the reality - with all it´s ups and downs. And recently, it has been a lot of downs for me.
And also. I actually got the chance to read the bible! I can honestly say I have never read more than like.. 10 Words. And that´s only when I was told to do so. But now I did read some of it. And I found some great quotes wich i really liked and could relate to. My favourite is Matthew 7:3. Check that out!
Haha fucking looong email! I hope I wasn´t too boring! ;) Take care Clelia! Hope we meet again one day! :)